Dear Fucking Crazy-Ass Bloggy-Types,

ESPECIALLY you fucking chicks that think that posting a shit ton of ads on your template and forcing yourself to post random fucking bullshit photos memes. I understand that everyone has a TASTE for certain kinds of blogs, but holy fucking jesus shitcocking christ WTF with all the crap content? You leave your regular, talking-to-people-on-the-interwebz-but-at-least-still-talking-to-people interwebz life behind to fucking "focus on your blog"? ARE YOU KIDDING? A few click ads makes sense, why not rape the establishment just by ranting and raving and showing pictures of your kids? That's all well and good. Spend a couple bucks on a flashy template? It's your space on the toobz, why the fuck not?

But holy tittyraping jesus an entire column dedicated to crap ads that blink and have exclamation points that tell me to "OMG SQUEE! THIS PERSON LIKES ME AND YOU SHOULD TOTALLY GO SPREAD THE LOVE BECAUSE EVERYONE LOVES ATTENTION" is crap. This whole blogger community thing has gotten way the fuck out of hand, and you, those of you who have no idea I'm talking about them, are part of the goddamn problem. I was just about to write what a blog should or shouldn't be, but that would make me an elitist instead of Gerkin of the People's Punisher.

So here's to you, crazy fuckers who think that blogging should be a job without having your name attached to a major company but whore yourself out anyway because "Wordless Wednesdays" are fun and ooh I should get paid for crap content, I raise my glass to you for RUINING MY INTERNETS.

Dear Whoever Designs Shit for Garnier Fructis Hair Care,

I HATE YOUR FUCKING CONDITIONER BOTTLES.

Upside-down? Great idea, because eventually everyone turns their bottle upside-down anyway to get that last wash out. But seriously? Making the bottles THAT THIN? Are you fucking KIDDING me?

When you are wet and slippery in the shower, you grab the bottle by the middle and you squeeze. You don't grab the bottle and squeeze from the top, because really you CAN'T and a bottle is not a tube so there's no point in doing it anyway. The bottle is so goddamned skinny that after ten washes you can't squeeze the fucking bottle anymore because it has been SQUOZEN TO DEATH and there is physically no way you can squeeze it anymore and then you're reduced to shaking the crap out of the bottle anyway. Seriously, WTFBBQ, yo. A square bottle would work; hell, and ROUND bottle would work. But those stupid supposedly-aesthetically pleasing oval designs? GAY.

Thanks for your time,

NotAGirl